Category: Play

Learning to Pretend: Part 1: Getting Started

4/1/2019

A question that comes up in my work with children is when and how to help a child engage in pretend play. Pretend play is an essential step in child development. Pretend play (and symbolic thinking more generally) underlies the ability to reflect on reality, imagine “what if”, and to think flexibly and is an essential step in child development. Understanding and using symbols including verbal language, reading decoding and comprehension, written expression, mathematics, the sciences, and the arts are built on this foundation. Participation in pretend play enables children to connect words and symbols to emotions and act less impulsively. A critical aspect of social development, perspective taking (also referred to as “theory of the mind”) which enables children to understand the world from another’s point of view, is supported when the child takes on the actions and roles of others in pretend play.

Given the importance of pretend play for developmental growth there may be a question as to when to begin focusing on this type of play, particularly for a child with autism or other developmental disorder. If you’re regularly engaging your child in back and forth interactions and she’s warmly engaged with you, closing many circles of communication (i.e., responsive to your initiations), and initiates to you with gestures, vocalization, etc. she’s ready for pretend play. In this post (Part 1) I offer pointers to “get the ball rolling”. Part 2 will suggest ideas to further enrich and elaborate on play and address individual differences and concerns.

Engage around what interests your child

Engaging with children based on what interests them facilitates rich interaction and sustained engagement and these interactions offer the foundation for developmental growth. To learn what interests your child observe what he or she does in their spare moments, what fascinates them, what they love to do, and what they’re interested in in the moment and then look for opportunities to engage them around these interests. Do they love it when you play music at home or in the car, do they love nothing more than looking out the window to see all the cars and trucks that pass by, are they fascinated by airports, are they always in motion, or do they have a strong interest in sports stars and statistics? Acting out imaginary games of baseball or basketball may be the entrée to symbolic play for a boy or girl with a strong interest in sports and sports stars. If a child loves dump trucks, play can focus on pretending to drive, back up, load and unload a toy dump truck. A child who enjoys going with Dad to pick up food at the drive thru of a fast food restaurant is likely to enjoy enacting this activity. Offer a pretend “mike” to a child who enjoys listening to music on YouTube, CDs, or the car radio.

2. Treat actions and objects symbolically

As we engage with children during their daily activities there are often opportunities to offer symbolic ideas by treating objects and actions symbolically. Here are examples:

Your child has finished drinking his milk or juice from a cup. You pick up the empty cup and pretend to drink from it (including sound effects of slurping). You say “Mm! That was delicious juice!”
You’ve lifted up your child in your arms. You say “OK pilot, let’s take off” and move her around as she “flies to Florida to see Grandma”.
Hand your child a “key” to open the front door of a dollhouse or to start the engine of a toy car he’s shown interest in.
As your child is pushing a toy dump truck around on the floor have a toy figure ask if he can get a ride home.
As your child crawls in and out of a play tunnel suggest that she’s exploring a cave and ask if she sees a bear in there.
As a child is sliding down a sliding board talk about sliding down into the ocean and mention the sea creatures he may encounter (whale, shark, schools of fish, etc.) after he steps down. Ask what he sees once he’s gotten off the slide.
As a child is banging pots together say, “I’m in the band too” and join in or you can start marching and say, “Let’s start a parade!”

3. Offer toys and materials that support pretend play

Pretend play toys include dolls, puppets, stuffed animals, action figures and toy figurines, play vehicles (cars, trucks, trains, airplane, bus, etc.), materials for pretend cooking and housekeeping, empty food containers, play sets for different themes (farm, zoo, fire station, etc.), etc.
Open-ended toys and materials including art materials such as crayons, markers, paints, modeling materials (play dough, clay), and blocks and construction toys can also be offered to encourage symbolic play and representational thinking. These open-ended materials are age-appropriate for supporting symbolic thinking in older children and teens. Older children and teens may also enjoy discussing the plots of books, movies, fictional TV series, etc. including possibilities for alternate endings.
Closed ended toys and materials. Closed ended toys are more helpful for promoting fine motor and perceptual skills and building attention than pretend play. These types of toys have a specific purpose and are generally used in a set way. These include puzzles, shape sorters, matching and memory games, mazes, manipulative/fine motor toys such as stringing beads, pegboards, etc.
While pretend play toys and materials are helpful, don’t overlook the opportunities for pretend play/symbolic thinking using everyday materials throughout the day including large motor play, outdoor play, and daily routines such as snack time, bath time, etc. as discussed in pointer #2 above.

4. Broaden the child’s range of emotionally meaningful experiences

Inspiration for pretend play is all around us and can emerge from a broad range of emotionally meaningful experiences such as visits to a zoo or aquarium, a fire station, an airport to see the planes take off and land, the beach, an animal shelter, etc., etc. Even routine trips to the supermarket or accompanying a parent to pick up pizza at a pizzeria can offer possibilities for imaginative play and enrichment of play. During the visit help your child notice various facets of the setting or experience and the roles of people. If possible take photos or make a video to talk about afterward. Also keep your eyes open to what is of interest to your child right in their own neighborhood such as the mail delivery person doing their rounds or workers repairing the road. For each child, among their experiences in the world around them, there will be ones that particularly “click” and inspire play.

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Connection vs. Compliance

4/2/2014

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When I think about differences in ways of interacting with children, one defining factor that stands out to me is whether adults attempt to engage the child by insisting on compliance or by genuinely connecting with the child. This I believe is one of the key defining differences between different approaches to parenting and educational and treatment philosophies. What exactly do I mean by this? I offer examples below.

In my work I often focus on engaging children who are initially difficult to engage (often as a result of biologically based challenges such as motor, sensory, visual, and/or auditory processing difficulties). The child may be self-absorbed or withdrawn or focused on a particular activity or object (watching a Barney video, running around the kitchen island, lining up objects, opening and closing doors, picking pieces of yarn in the carpet, etc.) to the exclusion of engagement with the people in his or her life. As a DIR®/Floortime™ practitioner, I (and others with a developmental philosophy) approach this by seeking ways to connect with the child that follow his lead and are in sync with his unique ways of hearing, seeing, touching, smelling, and/or moving and that will not cause him to underreact or overreact and be overwhelmed and pull away. A practitioner with a behavioral philosophy approaches this from a different perspective, gaining compliance, often referred to as “gaining instructional control”. The focus is on having the child associate the parent or practitioner as a provider of reinforcers in order to gain compliance with directions or requests. As I explain below I see a focus on compliance as limiting and often counter-productive in interactions with children.

Opposing philosophies or approaches are also played out in everyday interactions with children in families and in school settings. In schools teachers adopt different methods of engaging children in learning and in guiding their behavior that are influenced by educational philosophies (which may be their own or that of the educational program or school) and/or personal and professional history and experiences. Some teachers, schools, and programs focus on things like “running a tight ship”, children following the directions and completing the assigned work, checking off goals and objectives, or higher scores on standardized tests rather than deeply engaging learners in content, considering different points of view, posing questions, making sense of the ideas or concepts, problem-solving, divergent thinking and creativity, and a love of learning. The latter is often referred to as "engaged learning". The teacher whose focus is on engaging learners is also a teacher who values connection and forges genuine and joyful learning relationships with children. A narrow focus on compliance limits opportunities to genuinely connect with children and also limits children’s learning horizons.

When it comes to guiding children’s behavior in everyday situations like needing a child to brush their teeth; put on their coat, hat, and mittens to go outside; or follow the rules in the school lunchroom parents and teachers can choose between demanding compliance or supporting their child’s cooperation through connection. For example, a parent who connects with their child might engage with their child over choosing toys or different types of bubble bath for the bathtub instead of demanding compliance with the routine, using threats when the child refuses or fails to comply, or resorting to rewards or bribery. Not only is the connection approach likely to be more successful in facilitating the child’s cooperation, the very interactions between the parent and child to get ready for the bath, choose tub toys or bubble bath, run the bath, get dried and dressed for bed offer countless opportunities for learning. As parent and child connect and engage in this bath time routine the parent is supporting the child’s abilities to read and respond to the emotional cues of others, engage in long chains of back and forth interaction, modulate emotions, problem solve, engage in imaginative play, etc.! Likewise in a classroom the teacher whose focus is on connection rather than compliance, directly involves the children in discussions and formulation of classroom rules and uses problems that arise between children or between a child and adult as opportunities for supporting social problem-solving as well as social skills and higher levels of reasoning and thinking. These connection-focused interactions also build the foundations for self-regulation (involving the ability to plan, set goals, regulate emotions, inhibit impulses, delay gratification, independently problem-solve) a critical underlying foundation for development and learning.

Over-reliance on demanding compliance can be counter-productive in multiple ways. Over time, excessive, and especially, coercive demands for compliance are detrimental to the parent-child relationship. Often the result is exacerbation of a difficult temperament and problematic child behavior as well as negative interactions between parent and child. Demanding compliance can also undermine children’s formation of self-concept and self-identity, self-esteem, development of autonomy, and initiative taking. This is problematic for all children but even more so for children with developmental disabilities who are at much higher risk for developing learned helplessness and passivity. In the broader picture, as discussed above, emphasis on compliance instead of connection undermines the development of self-regulation and healthy foundations for relating, communicating, and thinking.

While I recognize the use of reinforcers, a schedule of reinforcement, or a reward system is an improvement over simply demanding compliance, making threats, using punishment, and coercive or negative interactions between children and adults and can see a limited place for this in some situations, support for a philosophy that embraces connection is a far better long-term alternative. A focus on reinforcers and simply changing a behavior in order to address problem behaviors such as aggression, non-compliance, tantrums, moodiness, impulsivity, etc. does not in and of itself build the foundations for self-regulation. Self-regulation enables children to manage their emotions, understand what’s appropriate and inappropriate, and respect the needs of others. Compliance-based philosophies when used in classroom settings can also undermine academic and pre-academic learning by limiting children’s potential for higher level, creative thinking and in-depth learning within a subject or topic. Parents, teachers, and therapists, who embrace connection over compliance, are best able to provide the vital opportunities for building healthy foundations for development, learning, and relationships.

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Supporting Social Play and Friendship: Part 2: Strategies for Helping Children Connect and Play

9/20/2013

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During play adults should foster a playful, fun environment that is responsive to children’s interests and supportive of individual challenges while also assisting children to connect and play with each other. In addition to the suggestions posted in Part 1 for setting the stage for the group or activity period here are strategies that can be used to help child connect and play together during playtime.

Model high affect

A key strategy for adults supporting play and interaction is to model high affect (e.g., feelings, emotion, as shown in facial expression) and playfulness. This helps entice children toward a common activity and/or each other. Given high interest activities and a supportive environment that is in tune with each child’s individual differences, the adult’s affect/playfulness can help create a climate to encourage communication and back and forth interaction. In addition the adult should use heightened affect/emotional expression to reflect differing emotional contexts in the ongoing play such as a look of surprise when a child uncovers a bright red caboose in a treasure hunt game, a look of sadness when a character in a story has lost his beloved pet, or a look of concern when two children .

Observe for interests to help link children together

Observe for children’s common interests in play and activities and follow their leads to link them together in ways that have the potential to support back and forth interaction. Examples:

Two children are moving/dancing independently to recorded music—the adult suggests they dance in unison (“Look how gracefully you and Marie are dancing! Shall we dance together?”).
An adult suggests to two children who are engaged in parallel play with pieces from a miniature playground that they take turns having their toy figures go down the toy sliding board. Further suggestions might include one toy figure pushing the other on the toy swing.
A child observing and appearing interested in the play of another child can be assisted to “break the ice” by suggesting a complementary activity such as sitting at the table and “eating” the pretend “eggs” being prepared by his peer.
As suggested in Part 1 observe carefully for children’s interests (ask parents too) and offer opportunities to pursue these interests whether it’s spinning objects, space travel, Thomas the Train, or taking apart small appliances. Look for signs of interest by other children and opportunities for social exchange.

Focus on nonverbal signaling

In addition to observing for mutual interests, supporting children’s use and understanding nonverbal communication signals (e.g., sounds, gestures, facial expression) is critical for the development of functional communication skills and social and emotional capacities. These signals may indicate interest in another child or the child’s activity, a need for help, a desire to participate, wanting to take a turn, continue a shared activity, or get the attention of another child.
Examples:

A child standing across from another child playing with a water pump at a water table shows interest in the other child’s activity. The adult alerts the child playing with the pump to the peer’s interest (“Look Janny, Sammy really likes what you’re doing!”) and makes a suggestion to either child to support interaction between the two (“Janny, Can you pump water into Sammy’s pail? Here Sammy, put your pail under the pump. Janny will pump water in it.”).
Children have been building and knocking down tall towers of cardboard blocks. Jay, who has observed this play, starts to build his own tower and keeps looking over with apparent interest at the spectacle of the blocks falling over but hasn’t joined in. The adult might say in a silly, exaggerated, slightly provocative tone to another child “Oh no! Don’t knock Jay’s tower down! Don’t you dare knock it down!” The adult thus interprets Jay’s nonverbal cues of interest and alerts other children in a playful way of his desire to join in.
Similarly alerting children to each other’s cues of needing help with something like a challenging puzzle or using a new app on an I-Pad is a great opportunity for supporting back and forth communication and emotional signaling.

Use “problems” as opportunities

Problems or disputes that occur among children should be viewed as golden opportunities for children to use negotiation or problem solving to resolve issues. Adults can guide children through steps for solving problems (e.g., cool down, ID the problem, brainstorm solutions, try out the solution, follow-up). Adults can also experiment with purposely creating “problems” for children to solve that require them to problem solve and work together to overcome the problem. The “problems” that are set up generally involve high interest activities or materials. For example, the adult tells children that painting (a very popular activity) will be available and as he goes to set up the painting activity “discovers” that there is no more red or blue paint in the room. There is paint (which is in gallon containers) in another room. This problem is posed to three of the children who are most interested in painting. They brainstorm various solutions eventually settling on using a small wagon to transport the paint. The heaviness of the containers means they also have to work together to lift it onto the wagon and lift it out when they return. “Problems” can include desirable materials or equipment placed on high shelves or the door to an outside play area blocked by large and heavy blocks such as hollow wooden blocks.

Focus on natural spontaneous interactions not mechanical or prompted behaviors

Examples of mechanical or prompted behaviors include prompting children to greet others or make eye contact. Interactive behavior taught in a rote or mechanical way tends to be disconnected from the emotions and affective experience so critical to genuine and enriching reciprocal interactions and relationships with peers and others.

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Learning to Pretend: Part 1: Getting Started

Connection vs. Compliance

Supporting Social Play and Friendship: Part 2: Strategies for Helping Children Connect and Play

Sandy Doctoroff

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